Waiting

As we wait with great anticipation and excitement for that day we have designated as the birth of our Savior, I wait with anxiousness and dread over what could signal the end of what has been my whole, beautiful boy.

Last summer began with the news that Jed had a malignant melanoma growing inside his eye.  It was God's grace that led my vet to discover it.  Less than 24 hours after the discovery it was out, his eye was intact, and Jed began the long recuperation.  

He's done just fine, allowing me to slop drops into his eye every day.  

And now we come to the 6-month mark.  Jed goes to the vet on Friday, and I just can't shake the feeling that the news isn't going to be good.  I'm not a vet, but when I try to pull his eyelid up I can see a spot.  Maybe it's nothing.  Maybe it's just scar tissue.  But I'm afraid.  Really.  

I want to tell the world.  I want everyone to know that I'm scared and I want to believe that if enough people prayed hard enough that my boy would be spared from any more insults to his body.  

But I won't tell the world.  Except through this blog that nobody reads anymore.  It's my way to scream into the wind without being heard, and I need to scream until I have no more voice.  I want my boy to be okay.  I want him to live the rest of his life with all that's happened to him a distant memory.  No more pain.  No more worry.

God, can you hear just my voice?  Would you cut us a break this time?  Please?