Waiting

As we wait with great anticipation and excitement for that day we have designated as the birth of our Savior, I wait with anxiousness and dread over what could signal the end of what has been my whole, beautiful boy.

Last summer began with the news that Jed had a malignant melanoma growing inside his eye.  It was God's grace that led my vet to discover it.  Less than 24 hours after the discovery it was out, his eye was intact, and Jed began the long recuperation.  

He's done just fine, allowing me to slop drops into his eye every day.  

And now we come to the 6-month mark.  Jed goes to the vet on Friday, and I just can't shake the feeling that the news isn't going to be good.  I'm not a vet, but when I try to pull his eyelid up I can see a spot.  Maybe it's nothing.  Maybe it's just scar tissue.  But I'm afraid.  Really.  

I want to tell the world.  I want everyone to know that I'm scared and I want to believe that if enough people prayed hard enough that my boy would be spared from any more insults to his body.  

But I won't tell the world.  Except through this blog that nobody reads anymore.  It's my way to scream into the wind without being heard, and I need to scream until I have no more voice.  I want my boy to be okay.  I want him to live the rest of his life with all that's happened to him a distant memory.  No more pain.  No more worry.

God, can you hear just my voice?  Would you cut us a break this time?  Please?

Choosing

This is my boy.  He is the world to me.  Don't ever ask me to choose between him and anything else because the "anything else" will lose.  Every time.

  I understand the tension between the conflicting demands on my life.  It happens every other weekend when I leave my home with Jed in tow, knowing that he's stressed out.  But I try to make the best of the situation because I love "two" very much.  It's not easy.  

  On the other hand, when I feel like there's no room for me in someone's life it's really, really, really easy to walk away.  I won't compete.  Period.

Pushing the Reset Button

School is less than a week away, and while I'm eternally grateful to have a job in this economy, it's really hard to think about going back to a situation that's becoming increasingly more difficult to work in. Public school seem to be the economy's punching bag, and teachers are expected to do more with less every single year. Good thing I'm within single digits of being done with the whole mess. But I digress ...

So, knowing that my life wouldn't be my own in a short while caused a bit of internal panic. With that mindset I packed Jed and myself up, a dear friend came along to keep me awake while driving, and we hit the road for my "heart place".  But not without a few stops before getting there ...

The first stop in the adventure was Manzanar.  This memorial and museum sits on the site of one of our country's most embarrassing actions in history -- detaining over 10,000 Japanese people for 3 years during WWII.  All that is left of the city built in the middle of nowhere is the gymnasium, which now houses the museum, and the cemetary.

Most of the graves have been moved, but there are still a few remaining.  Standing in the middle of this desolate and starkly beautiful land gave me pause at the ability of human beings to inflict such misery on others without any regard for their dignity or worth as fellow humans.  And in the same breath I found myself overwhelmed by the capacity of the Japanese to rise above their fellow Americans and live fruitful and productive lives in spite of their situation.  These paper cranes, placed around the cemetary, are a metaphor for so many things ...

From there we headed north on Hwy. 395 toward Mammoth Lakes.  I hadn't been there in many years, and it was surprising to see how much it's grown.  We checked in to our hotel (a very nice dog-friendly establishment called the Edelweiss Lodge) and then headed up to the Lakes Region.  It was gorgeous.

Jed got to wander around off-leash and I was thinking that he'd want to go for a swim.  He opted to walk alongside me in the water.

We didn't stay too long because we had food in the car and there were bear warnings all over the place.  But it was a great way to end a long day of driving.

This is a HUGE root ball that has been here since ... forever.  Pretty impressive!

The next day we headed toward Yosemite.  But Mono Lake was on the way and since we've never seen it, it was a must.  As you can see, it's an incredibly beautiful place.

Then it was on to Yosemite, via Tioga Pass and Tuolumne Meadow.  Enough said.

My favorite place in the whole world is the Cathedral Picnic area in the Valley.  It's a well-kept secret, largely because people are so intent on making it to the crowded areas that they race right by it.  Their loss!  But it feels like I've arrived home every time I park the car and walk down to the Merced River.  

My reset button gets pushed there.  I think Jed's does, too.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful ... for me.  I got my Yosemite fix, spent time in my "heart place", and once that was over I was ready to go home.  I don't know when I'll get back, but for now I have the pictures and memories to keep me going a little while longer.

Jed is such an incredible traveler.  He trots up the ramp and right into the back of the Explorer and settles down for however long it will be until we stop.  I couldn't ask for a better travel buddy.

And my good buddy really made the trip more enjoyable, too.  Thanks, Marianne, for joining me.

Backyard Creations

Having a whole summer (save for the week we went to San Diego) here at home has been absolutely marvelous.  I haven't spent this much time here during a summer in over 10 years.  While I wouldn't want to do this every year, this was the right year to do it largely because it gave Jed time to really heal his neck and me to get some things done around here that I've been putting off for a while.


One of them was a very pleasant chore -- doing something with a water feature in the backyard.  Here's what I had for about 6 years:

It provided enough sound to make me happy, but the faux stone was very tired-looking and needed to be retired.  I tried selling it on Craigslist but got no takers.  So on garbage day I watched as it was unceremoniously tossed into the dump truck.


In my ideal world I'd have liked to put a small waterfall in, with a pondless pool.  But the area I had to work with was just too small to do it without compromising water and lighting stuff.  So I opted for a fountain of sorts.


I had gardner Felipe dig a hole for a big horse bucket (recommended by some pond making website -- much cheaper).  Over the bucket I placed a metal grate ...

Then it was time to level it & put the faux stone pillar in the right place so that as it did its "fountain thing" the bucket would catch the water.  The pillar's made from concrete and stained to look like stone.  Pretty good, if you ask me!

Then it was time to return the plants to their former spot and cover the grate with river rock.  

I like it.  It provides the happy sound of running water and is virtually worry-free.  Just have to add some water every now and then.  I still need to add some more plants around the back side, but for right now it's okay.  My next door neighbor says that she can hear it from her bedroom at night and thoroughly enjoys it.  It's a good thing ...  :)


School begins in just over a week.  My summer of creativity is almost over.  I'm working hard to not be sad about it, but when that alarm goes off at 6:00 in a few short days it's going to be hard.  But I've got one "last hurrah" up my sleeve, and Jed's going to like it.  It'll push both of our "reset" buttons.  :)

Summertime!

Another school year is history and Jed & I are into our summer rhythm.  We get up early (not quite as early as during the year), have our breakfast, and then take a little nap.  It's really quite nice.  ;)

This last week found us in San Diego, enjoying the cool, sunny days that are a hallmark of that lovely city.  I spent lots of my growing up years there and took time to drive through the old 'hoods.  While some of them are still lovely, a couple of them have really gone downhill.  

But what was the best part was the time Jed & I spent on Fiesta Island, where he could swim.  His spring was spent in "lockdown" due to some herniated discs in his neck, but he's working at coming back from that and swimming really helped.

Here we are, getting ready to hit the water.  He's a true Lab, loves the water, but isn't fanatical about it.

He got to swim 4 out of the 5 days we were there.  Needless to say he was one happy camper ... and so was I.  I hope we can go to the ocean a few times this summer so he can play in the surf and we can walk in the sand.